Out of the dark, the light shone.
Out of nowhere I dared hope, against all hope.
“Out of my way (darkness, loneliness, insecurities) I’m coming through!” – was my first thought.
Went all out, again. Hoping something was there, which actually isn’t. Something IS there – or so it was said. Just the wrong time – again.
Merely cracked a shell. Really hate time and (some) places.
Really hate this feeling called hope – really hate hope.
I really hate this hopelesseness I feel. I feel defenseless. Tired, unloved, alone and lonesome, depressed, insecure. I feel like there is no light, no real light.
“The soothing light at the end of my tunnel is just a freight train coming my way”
Not because of you.
Not because of the unfairness of the world.
Not because of everything else.
Because of me.
This unrelenting, uncanny ability I have of deluding and, ultimately, hurting myself.